So say we all.
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT
(919): guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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706): well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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(843): there needs to be a “man fax report”. like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he’s ever done.
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(317): Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
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(903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
(214): It’s called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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(403): I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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(636): I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you’re pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
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(404): I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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(225): things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
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BASH.ORG
DrBob> You’ll never get it. Men weren’t meant to understand women.
Odin> not true.
Odin> I’ve managed to solve for the fundamental logic operation of women.
DrBob> It’s just best to let them do what they want, so they’ll let us do stuff to them.
Odin> Nono let me explain.
Odin> Women are fundamentally amplifiers.
Odin> Anything you give them expect to get back multiplied
Odin> give them money you don’t have in the form of a credit card, expect a huge debt
Odin> give them a little love, and they’ll give you a lot of love back
Odin> give them a little DNA in the bedroom
Odin> and they give you a baby
Odin> So if you give them crap, you’d better be ready to recieve a ton of shit
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Funzo> can any of you guys speak french?
Time-Warp> i can
Time-Warp> i know how to say bongshure
Time-Warp> or something
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fishmech_> history books in a thousand years are going to be hilarious
fishmech_> According to the great 21st Century philosopher xXx_SePhIrOtH127765_xXx,
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Narcissus> Dude I had a fucking crazy night last night
Thomas> yeah?
Narcissus> So you know how Jason is basically a crazy redneck?
Narcissus> well we were sitting around drinking when he just pipes up “let’s go hunting guys!”
Narcissus> we’re in the middle of the city, right, but we’re sort of drunk, so me, Mike and Aaron go for it
Narcissus> We head out to the park, drinking from the camelback of course, and see these fucking geese; Just hundreds of fucking geese sleeping by the river.
Narcissus> we’re just kind of stumbling around laughing, but Jason takes a fence post, UPROOTS the motherfucker, and just Braveheart charges this field of geese
Narcissus> the geese start going apeshit as he’s swinging like mad, just honking like crazy tearing up the river
Narcissus> the three of us don’t know what to do, but three generations of inbreeding sure as hell did. The fucker cracks one of the geese over the head, and it’s just frozen, sort of stunned
Narcissus> without a second of hesitation, Jason grabs his dull ass pocket knife and just pounces on the goose, stabbing wildly, and let me tell you.. there’s a fuckton of blood in a goose
Narcissus> this thing is hemorrhaging blood, completely covering him, but he keeps stabbing it
Thomas> wtf dude? that’s fucking nuts
Narcissus> just listen, it gets worse
Narcissus> We are completely dumbfounded, we don’t know what the fuck just happened, but we’re pretty sure it’s extremely illegal
Narcissus> we decide to wrap up the goose in Aaron’s jacket and take it back to the apartments
Narcissus> so we walk like 3 miles back, and take it to the field by the power station
Narcissus> Jason’s not done though, he takes his dull blade and SKINS THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE
Narcissus> takes out the entrails, the whole nine yards, takes for fucking ever
Narcissus> at this time Mike is turning pale, he’s looking up all the laws we’d broken, and he kept yelling about some security guard watching us
Narcissus> I told him to stop being paranoid, but he wouldn’t let up
Narcissus> so he grabs the goose and just fucking chucks it, as hard as he can over towards the freeway
Narcissus> needless to say we were pissed, but we weren’t about to spend all night looking for that shit
Narcissus> So we snuck home, drunk, hungry and defeated
Thomas> Now that’s a fucking adventure
Narcissus> yeah, I know, but just imagine this episode of cops:
Narcissus> four college age guys, drunk, walk out of a darkened field in the middle of a city at 3 A.M. after spending several hours working on something, and one of them is COVERED in blood, holding a dull, bloody knife, claiming to have just hunted, skinned, and then completely thrown away an entire goose
Narcissus> you can’t right better shit than that
Thomas> I don’t think we should ever hang out with Jason ever again
Narcissus> Agreed
(alright, I laughed on this one so bad, there were tears in my eyes.)
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